A couple of weeks ago, I finally got some information from my Dad that I’ve wanted since I was little. I got the last name of my two half-brothers. Ever since I can remember I knew that my Dad was married before and had two kids. Dennis and Nic. I knew they were older, and I knew that without their last name I would never be able to find them. From what I heard, my Dad signed over his parental rights, and when the mother of the boys remarried her new husband adopted them. Like I said, it’s just what I heard. I don’t know the specifics. So basically in order to contact my two half-brothers, I would first have to know the name of the woman that my Dad was married to, then the name of the man she married after my Dad. How in the hell? So…
When I was 15 and I saw my dad last, he told me that my brothers finally found out about me. That he wanted to give them some pictures. I remember going through a box of pictures finding good pictures to give them. Awesome right?
Anyway, so I got their last name. Sweet. I find them both on Facebook. Turns out they don’t really frequent Facebook like the dork that I am. I was at least able to see a picture of each of them. I sent them each a quick message, “Hi, I’m Wayne’s daughter, nice to meet you, etc.” After I sent the messages, my Mom tells me, “Rachel what if they don’t even know about you?” Great… I think. That would suck, but I think they do, so I don’t give it much thought.
So I start thinking that maybe it was a little tacky to send them a message on Facebook. I try to find their addresses to send them a letter via snail mail. I find an address for my brother Nic, who lives in Hawaii. I write out a letter and pop it in the mail. I admit-- I looked at who his friends were on Facebook and snooped as much as I could, which wasn’t much. I was lucky to see some pictures of his wife (who is gorgeous) and 2 boys. I can’t help but think his older son looks kind of like me when I was little. Weird huh?
The next day, I go to Wal-Mart with Lili and OMG guess who I see in the checkout line behind me? Nic’s wife! I saw her son first, and remembered him from the pictures. I quick turn around and think- Crappola! I look like crap and what should I say, and blah blah blah… I turn around and she was gone. Of course my line was moving slower than molasses so she left way before me. I felt like I saw a ghost.
A couple nights later my Dad calls my Mom, cause he never calls me anymore- just my Mom. I asked to talk to him and the only thing I could think to ask, was “Did you ever tell them about me?”
“Umm… No…no I didn’t.”
The rest of the conversation I don’t really remember. I was too busy thinking one thing and saying another.
I’ve had a day to process this, and I just feel so pinche insignificant. I was so unimportant that I wasn’t even worth mentioning.
Well that’s the story. I know a lot of people in my life don’t know about this chapter. Just thought I would throw it out there.
Spanish to English
Ilusiones Vacias- False Illusions.
Pinche- fucking
