Decisiones

I feel horrible.  Eusebio and I had planned for him to go to Mexico the end of August.  He had made a promise that he would be there for the one year anniversary of his father’s death.  I was so happy for him to finally be able to keep this promise.  I found out yesterday that due to the timing of submitting paperwork, etc. to the National Visa Center his appointment probably won’t be until beginning of November.  Basically we have two options.  He can stay here in Minnesota until it’s closer to the appointment date or he could still leave when we were planning, end of August.  I feel horrible because I know it’s a hard decision for him to make.  I know that he really wants to go and see his family, especially on this specific occasion.  I feel like I am being selfish by asking him to stay here.  I haven’t asked him yet.  I want him to make this decision, and I will support him either way.  I need my husband here with me, and Liliana needs her father too.  This way to, we would be able to save up more money, and not be under so much pressure for him to leave in a hurry.  Also, I don’t have any more vacation time that I can take this year, and wouldn’t be able to visit until probably next February for Liliana’s third birthday.  We are hoping to get her baptized when we go down to visit.  Well, I just wanted to vent a little, and express my concern about Eusebio leaving sooner than I’d like. I love him to death, and I don’t want to be away from him longer than I need to be.  It is already unfortunate that we have to go through this process in the first place.

Spanish - English

Decisiones - Decisions

Heart Shaped

I’ve always wanted to be a Mom. However, I was told that without medication it would be virtually impossible for me to have children. When I was 21 I went to the ER for kidney stones, and after a CAT scan they explained that I also have a bicornuate uterus. Basically that is a uterus with two horns shaped like a heart or a fissure down the middle so that if you do get pregnant the baby grows on one side. Having a bicornuate uterus also makes it difficult to get pregnant.

When I got pregnant with Liliana, it was a milagro. I didn’t see her coming at all. I had just started dating Eusebio and things were going so good between us I was almost afraid to tell him. I had gone to the doctor after I had two positive pregnancy tests and explained to them about my uterus. I was told I had to have an ultrasound, and I was anxious to see the baby and see the uterus and everything even if I was only a couple weeks pregnant. Lili was a dot on the screen, but I was still so in awe of how I was finally able to have a child. Dr. Weber, however, the doctor from el infierno decided to shoot down my hopes and dreams telling me that- “Well, if the baby survives, it will probably be born severely premature, and you will probably be stuck on bed rest the majority of your pregnancy.”

I left the doctors office crying my eyes out. I had just received the best and worst news of my life, practically at the same time. I called Sasha on my way home asking her how on earth I was going to tell my Mom or Eusebio and it was just horrible. When I got home, I was still bawling my eyes out not knowing what to do, and my Mom walked in. I cried the story to her.

As we all know, Liliana was born healthy, and at her seven pounds 15.5 ounces was of normal weight and everything. Meeting Eusebio, and having Lili was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. They are my life. I would do anything for either of them.

I would love to give Lili a baby brother or sister. Now that she is two, I have been thinking for the past few months about having another baby. Eusebio wants to have another child as well, but he doesn’t want to plan it out or get his hopes up, which I can understand. I just really don’t want Lili to be an only child. Knowing that I have these problems with infertility makes me really nervous to think about this. I’ve been seeing a doctor and when the time is right we will be taking medication to help me get pregnant. Hopefully we won’t have any problems! Please pray for us..

Spanish to English

Milagro - Miracle

El Infierno - Hell

A Nice Conversation

So I talked to my Dad last Sunday night. I don’t want to say everything we talked about, but we had a very nice conversation. He is living in Salmon, ID. It sounds like he is happy there; however the economy isn’t doing very well. We talked about the last time we saw each other and how, I guess without realizing it, I was kind of cold towards him. I didn’t mean to be. It was probably my age or the rebellion stage of adolescence. I guess he took that and assumed I didn’t want to really have anything to do with him. I can understand that.

He asked about my Mom. It’s was weird to me, to hear my Dad talk about my Mom. I am pretty sure my Mom really loved my Dad at one time. Hearing my Dad talk about my Mom makes me think he felt the same about her. This made me happy. Probably because I am a little piece of these two people. A symbol of their love, you might say. It’s nice to know that you are a symbol of love, and not of something else… like two broken marriages or something.

All in all, I enjoyed talking to him very much. I even find myself looking at the world a little differently- like I have someone out there that thinks about me… that cares about me, even. Before, that part of my life was just a closed door.

It sounds like my Dad lives an interesting life. He likes to fish, and collects fish. I guess he has quite the collection of aquariums at his home. He lives in a small town in Idaho. I am sure the mountains are nearby. I am going to call him next week. I don’t want this to be the end of our relationship.

I am very thankful that God has given us this opportunity to reconnect. Con Dios, todo es posible.

Spanish - English

Con Dios, todo es posible - With God, anything is possible.

A New Contact

I never knew my father. When I was young, I wrote tons of letters to him. It was more or less a hobby of mine. I even had quite the collection of stationary. I wonder if anyone these days does that? Anyway, I wrote to him all the time. One time I even asked my Mom to draw me a picture of what he looked like because I had never seen him.

One day when I was nine, I came home from school and my Mom had a big envelope for me from him. I was so excited. In it, he sent a few pictures and a post card. I was so excited to finally know what he looked like, and to see him for the first time.

I met him when I was 10, and again when I was 15. It was nice to meet him, but weird also because just seeing him these two time didn't constitute a relationship with him. Bittersweet I guess you could say. I do have two half brothers on his side. I guess when I was 15 they had just found out about me, even though I knew about them my whole life. I would even make up stories to my Mom about meeting them, and living with them, etc. Weird I know. I've heard that's common though. Because these two brothers of mine were adopted by their step-father I actually don't know how to contact them because I don't know what their last names are. Maybe I will find out one day.

Fast forward to the present. A few weeks ago, out of the blue I saw a message in Facebook that was sent two months prior from a woman friend of my Father's asking if I am, in fact his daughter. So we start talking via message. Turns out my Father had gotten a letter that I sent him last November and in conversation asked this woman if she could find me.

I talked to my husband about it a lot, and we both decided that whatever the motives or the reasoning behind it, we don't care. We are totally up to having my Father in our lives if he is willing. Life is way too short to hold a grudge. My husband's Dad actually died last year and he was younger than my Father is now. If my Father died tomorrow at least I knew he thought about me, and that he wondered about me. But how cool would it be if we talked, or met or he at least got to see pictures of me and my family?

His friend gave me his phone number yesterday. I haven't called him yet. I am still a little nervous... working up to it I guess you could say. I added his number to my contacts. It looks so weird to have "Dad" in my phone. I secretly love it. I have never been able to call anyone that. Knowing that my Dad is out there and that he reached out to me is so awesome. I guess only God knows where this is headed... but hopefully it is headed in the right direction.

La Promesa

So today my husband, Chevo got his Pasaporte. It was kind of exciting to see him so lit up. Maybe having it makes him feel more Mexican. We’ve talked a lot about how he has never been an adult in Mexico. He came here when he was 17 to Georgia first. That is where his uncle was working, and my husband started doing siding with him. “Un Saidero” Is what a person who does siding is called. Kind of silly. He really likes doing siding though. He is really good at it too. I love that he does something that he loves.

While we were waiting for his passport today, we went to have breakfast at McDonalds- my favorite. We talked a lot about when he leaves. He doesn’t like making plans. That is a typical Mexican trait. He also didn’t want to talk about details because he wants to leave things for us to talk about while he is gone. It makes me sad to think about this.

Chevo’s dad died last year August 31, 2010. It was between him and his brother, Carlos to decide which one of them went to Mexico. They both obviously wanted to go. However, they needed one to stay, to help the other one return. How did they make such an important decision? Basically because Carlos isn’t married and he had been away from their family more years they decided Carlos would go. They also based this decision on the fact that because Chevo and I are preparing to get his citizenship it would not be in his best interest to go home and risk not being able to come back. I was very grateful that he made such a big sacrifice. He made a promesa that he would return home on the anniversary of his father’s death. I respect my husband’s decision 100% that he goes home to Mexico for this occasion.  However, this kind of throws a wrench in our plans. You see, his appointment in Juarez will probably be scheduled in October. If he leaves for Mexico in August, we risk him being long over a year. At a recent appointment with our lawyer, she said it has changed from approximately 2-18 months down to 2-12 months out of the country assuming things go OK. I can get into this more in a different entry. The fact is, I don’t want him to be gone at all… let alone more than one year. I would like to hear what you think about that? It’s a hard decision to make. One that I don’t really feel like thinking about right now.

Spanish to English

Pasaporte- Passport

Saidero- Someone who does Siding

Promesa- Promise

Finding words

So I am getting pretty excited about this blog. I really hope it is going to help me open up and talk about things that I don’t normally talk about. I like to think my life is unique and that no one else in the world is going through what I am going through. I am finding though, that I am not alone in my struggles with neither immigration nor infertility, or even struggling with an absent parent. I am not a very good speaker. I tend to mumble, and jump ahead of myself. I’ve been told that is because I have so many things going through my head at any given time and it’s hard to organize them. I tell my husband everything, because he loves to talk and have deep conversations. He is also really good at giving advice. However I have problems telling my Mom things. I’ve narrowed this down to the fact that because she is my only parent, her opinion of what she thinks of me is so important I don’t want to tell her things. I fear that she will look at me differently or think I am weak or something. I know this probably isn’t true, but I’ve always had a problem with it and am trying to change. I would hate for Lili to one day think she can’t tell me something. Another problem is sometimes it’s hard for me to put things into words, or find the right words to talk about something. Hopefully this blog will be good and help me to get over this. Well, that is all for now. Buenas Noches

Bienvenidos

So, I am new to this whole blog thing. Hopefully I will be able to make it interesting and up to date. There are so many things going on in my life right now I decided to get them down in writing. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Rachel Macedonio, wife of Eusebio Macedonio and mother to Liliana Macedonio (two years old). We live in White Bear Lake, MN with my Mother, Lori Bernard. She opened her home for us to live here so that we can, in a way get back on our feet. We are trying to pay off some old debt, and save up money to buy a place of our own. Also, Eusebio will be going back to Mexico soon. He is undocumented and so in order for him to obtain citizenship here in the US he has to leave the country. He could be gone anywhere from 2-12 months.

In this blog I will be posting things about my life in general. Our immigration situation, and how it is affecting us as a family. Our infertility issues. My relationship with my family. Our daughter Liliana and how she is growing up. My father who may or may not be coming back into my life after 27 years of now knowing him at all... I am sure other things will come up as well. I hope this helps me to get it all out in the open and to maybe even understand myself better. Que Dios te Bendiga.....