Clearing My Mind

I haven’t written a blog in a while. I wanted to write a little today, and just clear my mind a bit.

Eusebio decided he would leave for Mexico closer to the date of the appointment. We are expecting this to be in November some time. He is upset that he will not be able to be there for the one year anniversary of his Father’s death, but I know he understands that this is the best option for our family at this time.

One of the reasons we decided to move home to my Mom’s house is because she has an unfinished basement that we are going to fix up and then when it’s done, we will be able to use the basement as a studio apartment. It has a bathroom and a larger room that we are planning to split into 2 areas. One for Liliana and one for us or for me- once Eusebio leaves. I can’t wait for it to be finished. It is pretty crammed in my old bedroom with the three of us. Better than paying for rent though, that’s for sure.

As far as my relationship with my parents goes: I haven’t talked to my dad in two weeks, but I have talked to him twice in the past month which is actually pretty satisfying. He told me he got a new job after being unemployed for two years, so that is good. He wants to come to Minnesota this Fall. It would be nice for Liliana to meet her Grandpa. I am also pretty anxious to see my Mom and Dad together, see how they get along. Speaking of my Mom, we had a nice talk the other night. Like I said in a previous blog, it’s hard for me to tell her things, and so I finally explained this to her, and told her some things that I had held back for a long time. I feel a lot closer to her, and I think our relationship will only get better because of it. We have always had a special mother-daughter relationship I think.

Eusebio and I are still thinking of having another child. It is something that I really want, even though right now our financial situation isn’t the best, nor our living conditions. When you think you can’t have something or that it will be difficult to achieve- it just makes you want it that much more. I know that if we do get pregnant there will be people out there waiting to judge us for these reasons. I don’t care though. I just want to have another child. This is really important to me. I am not getting any younger either.

Lili is doing great. She is so smart. Last night she was playing on an old keyboard and was showing me pictures on a pretend screen in front of her. It was so cute. She also loves princesses- something that I didn’t really want to happen, but it’s cute. All in all life is going really well right now, and even though we have our struggles, we all know that it could be worse.

Decisiones

I feel horrible.  Eusebio and I had planned for him to go to Mexico the end of August.  He had made a promise that he would be there for the one year anniversary of his father’s death.  I was so happy for him to finally be able to keep this promise.  I found out yesterday that due to the timing of submitting paperwork, etc. to the National Visa Center his appointment probably won’t be until beginning of November.  Basically we have two options.  He can stay here in Minnesota until it’s closer to the appointment date or he could still leave when we were planning, end of August.  I feel horrible because I know it’s a hard decision for him to make.  I know that he really wants to go and see his family, especially on this specific occasion.  I feel like I am being selfish by asking him to stay here.  I haven’t asked him yet.  I want him to make this decision, and I will support him either way.  I need my husband here with me, and Liliana needs her father too.  This way to, we would be able to save up more money, and not be under so much pressure for him to leave in a hurry.  Also, I don’t have any more vacation time that I can take this year, and wouldn’t be able to visit until probably next February for Liliana’s third birthday.  We are hoping to get her baptized when we go down to visit.  Well, I just wanted to vent a little, and express my concern about Eusebio leaving sooner than I’d like. I love him to death, and I don’t want to be away from him longer than I need to be.  It is already unfortunate that we have to go through this process in the first place.

Spanish - English

Decisiones - Decisions

Heart Shaped

I’ve always wanted to be a Mom. However, I was told that without medication it would be virtually impossible for me to have children. When I was 21 I went to the ER for kidney stones, and after a CAT scan they explained that I also have a bicornuate uterus. Basically that is a uterus with two horns shaped like a heart or a fissure down the middle so that if you do get pregnant the baby grows on one side. Having a bicornuate uterus also makes it difficult to get pregnant.

When I got pregnant with Liliana, it was a milagro. I didn’t see her coming at all. I had just started dating Eusebio and things were going so good between us I was almost afraid to tell him. I had gone to the doctor after I had two positive pregnancy tests and explained to them about my uterus. I was told I had to have an ultrasound, and I was anxious to see the baby and see the uterus and everything even if I was only a couple weeks pregnant. Lili was a dot on the screen, but I was still so in awe of how I was finally able to have a child. Dr. Weber, however, the doctor from el infierno decided to shoot down my hopes and dreams telling me that- “Well, if the baby survives, it will probably be born severely premature, and you will probably be stuck on bed rest the majority of your pregnancy.”

I left the doctors office crying my eyes out. I had just received the best and worst news of my life, practically at the same time. I called Sasha on my way home asking her how on earth I was going to tell my Mom or Eusebio and it was just horrible. When I got home, I was still bawling my eyes out not knowing what to do, and my Mom walked in. I cried the story to her.

As we all know, Liliana was born healthy, and at her seven pounds 15.5 ounces was of normal weight and everything. Meeting Eusebio, and having Lili was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. They are my life. I would do anything for either of them.

I would love to give Lili a baby brother or sister. Now that she is two, I have been thinking for the past few months about having another baby. Eusebio wants to have another child as well, but he doesn’t want to plan it out or get his hopes up, which I can understand. I just really don’t want Lili to be an only child. Knowing that I have these problems with infertility makes me really nervous to think about this. I’ve been seeing a doctor and when the time is right we will be taking medication to help me get pregnant. Hopefully we won’t have any problems! Please pray for us..

Spanish to English

Milagro - Miracle

El Infierno - Hell